The Alice Syndrome

     I just finished a book titled What Happy People Know.  I really liked it because it backs up with science so much of the stuff that I have already learned through church.  

I won't get into details but basically serving others makes you happy. Not dwelling on problems and weaknesses makes you happy (I call it repentance).  Taking time to think about things you appreciate makes you happy - 2 to 3 times a day is best (I call this prayer). Finding balance in your life between work and family and other fulfilling activities makes you happy. Realize that possessions and money will never make you happy because you will always feel like you need more if that is what you are striving for.

     He talked about time management and "The Alice Syndrome" which he gets from Alice in Wonderland. As he writes:

     Millions of time-obsessed people feel victimized by the Alice Syndrome. In Alice in Wonderland, the Queen of Hearts tells Alice, “My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere, you must run twice as fast as that.”

          The real scarcity these days is a lack of clear, value-based priorities.  We’re programmed to want everything – “I’m not enough! I don’t have enough!” Thus, we stand perpetually at a crossroads, as does Alice, when she asks the Cheshire Cat, “Which road shall I take?” And the cat says, “That depends on where you want to go.” Alice tells him, “I don’t know where I want to go.” And the cat says,   “Well, then, any road will do.”\\

    Right now I don't feel time pressure because I haven't known what treatment will involve so I have said no to everything.  It has felt nice but I do think I need to be doing something to be happy. Now I am at the crossroads. Which road shall I take?  I have the luxury now of taking some time to decide what is important in my life and what I should spend time on.
       Another Silver Lining in my cloud!
      

Family Pictures

     Okay, this photo totally cracks me up.  Cute little Milah looks like she is a little confused with this new world and maybe a little worried. We probably do look pretty strange after all those beautiful spirits she has been around.

Matt with another hairstyle and color

      I spent yesterday trying to decide on 30 pictures to put in a photo collage for our wall.  It is so fun to look at everything but so overwhelming.  We have so many pictures that we never look at (and truthfully a lot of them are not that good) but some are priceless. I definitely have set myself a few goals for this year. I will scan slides. I will get the videos digitalized. I will label and sort pictures.  I think this is about the tenth time I have set these goals but maybe the tenth time is the charm.
     Here are some of the pictures Bryan and I were enjoying last night.

And with that I think it is time to join Milah and get some sleep!

Lucky Friday the Thirteenth

     Oh, Happy Day.  Look at this cute bundle of joy that got delivered. Dan and Alyssa went in to the hospital that morning to try a version (where they try to flip the baby over so it can be delivered head down) but when they did it Milah's heart rate slowed way down so they flipped her back over. The Dr. was then worried that maybe the placenta might have been torn so they recommended a c-section then which is what Dan and Alyssa decided to do. Everything went well.
     It was hard waiting until Dan and Alyssa were ready for visitors (it felt like Christmas morning when you have to wait to see what Santa Claus brought you.) but we got down there that afternoon.

Milah and the proud grandma and grandpa

      I feel a special connection since I was born on a Friday the 13th too.  Mia was born on January the 13th so I am thinking that all of the girls should come on the 13th. It is now the luckiest of days for us.

     Milah was born very healthy at 6 lb. 4 oz. and 18-1/2 inches long.  She is sleeping and nursing a lot just like she should be.  Alyssa seems tired but happy too.  She looks great (see below) but can't use her stomach muscles yet.  They will be keeping her at American Fork hospital until next Monday anyway. Alyssa has Factor V Leiden which means her blood clots a little too easily so they will watch her a little closer and get her on some medications.
 
   What a little miracle a new baby is.

Milah showing off her flexibility but not enjoying the freedom

Milah and the very happy Danny and Alyssa

The Official Report

     I went to my new internal medicine doctor on Monday.  I think I will like her.  She isn't too busy now so she can take the time to listen and explain.  She laughs at my joke which makes me happy (I am too sarcastic for my own good and so many people take me seriously).  I told her about the line in "The Devil wears Prada" where she says "I'm only one stomach flu away from my ideal weight".  I'm changing it to "I'm only one cancer away from my ideal weight" - Cancer has to be good for something, right! She laughed and agreed.
     Tuesday I saw the radiologist.  My official path report is in.  Cancer only in the one area.  Strongly ER+/PR+ which is good because they have medications to shut off those receptors.  Her2 neg. which is good because that is a more aggressive type and only 5% Ki67 which is a good prognosis because it means the cells are dividing slowly. People with a high Ki usually have a poorer prognosis and a higher rate of recurrence. It makes me a lousy candidate for chemo which is something that I am happy about too - as long as they don't find cancer in my lymph nodes. All in all I couldn't ask for more.
    

Happy Days

     It has been such a busy but really a pretty fun week, especially considering. I feel like I am always going to appointments already which keeps me busy.  We went to see a play on Thursday night in Salt Lake (My Mom treated and it made me laugh which felt so good on the day of the diagnosis). My Mom's neighbor, Mrs. Bennett, had been with her daughter and they thought the lead looked exactly like Steve so they said we had to go see it.  The play was Laughingstock.  We didn't think the lead looked like Steve but he did look surprisingly like Peter in profile.
     On Friday we had tickets to the symphony.  They played a Hayden symphony first which was only 9 minutes long.  I had never heard it but they had all the musicians just standing to play which was unusual but I liked it.  They seemed to be enjoying it too. It reminded me of all those Suzuki concerts with all the musicians standing there playing.
     Sunday was Easter and we invited up the family and told Matt he could bring roommates who didn't have a place to go.  We ended up with 23. It was a houseful but the weather was nice so people were outside and it was another great get-together.  Ann and Donny brought up eggs and treated us to an Easter Egg hunt which even my big kids enjoyed.  They didn't find the eggs with the $20 or $10 but they did get some change. It's always fun looking for them and having the thrill of the hunt.
    

The Big C

     Amazing how fast priorities can change in your life. Knowing that you have a probable cancer diagnosis you can quickly decide there are certain things you don't want to bother with and others that you do.  Also, at least at the first, every thing seems so tender. The low is rather low but the joy seems even more joyful. The kids came up from Provo on Sunday to celebrate Matt's birthday it just felt so good to have them there and I had so much fun.
     On Tuesday I had the MRI and from those images the radiologist decided to take biopsies from both breasts and a lymph node. Then he sent me over for a liver ultrasound because something seemed suspicious there. I think I was a little numb but Bryan was pretty depressed about it.I just felt sore and bruised.  Needless to say we were very nervous until Thursday afternoon when we could get the first pathology reports.  Yes it is cancer but in only the original spot.  The other spots were benign. Unfortunately it is a little large so I am probably stage 2 but it is nice to finally know and just to be able to talk about it with others. I need their support.

    Today I called my friend and visiting teacher, Diane, who is so great and promised she would go to treatments and appointments with me and whatever I needed.  Then Nelladet, a survivor, came with this cute little bouquet of flowers and her whole info booklet. It was good to talk to her about it all.  She said I will have a love-hate relationship with pink by the time I am done.

I Love My Friends and Family

     Bryan is very sweet and it seems like we have already grown even closer. The real fun thing is that I just mentioned they had cute shoes in an add and he said "You should go buy them."  I think I might have to take advantage of him for a few months.
     Here is some pics from this weekend:

Bry and Miss

Kasi, Dan (still helping Matt with his candles) and Alyssa